January 11, 2008
I am yet to see someone who says “I never get frustrated”. We as humans always experience frustration in our daily lives. However sometimes we let this frustration take over that hampers our activities and actions. We need to control and handle the frustration.
What is frustration? Frustration is the act of reacting to an event which is not desirable. I would like you to spend sometime on what I have mentioned Frustration is. It is REACTION that causes the frustration. The moment an event occurs you do not ponder on that, you do not have time to think on that and decide how to handle the situation. The immediate action is impulsive and you react immediately. There is another way you can handle the same event. Instead of reacting, you could RESPOND to the same event. The moment you RESPOND to the event rather than reacting you never get frustrated. Remember the event has already occurred which means that you cannot do anything about the event now. And you have a Choice to respond the way you want to.
If you start looking at events as events that cannot be avoided and has already occurred then you ponder for solutions rather than disturbing yourself by reacting. This is the easiest way to change the feeling of frustration. To start focusing on solutions rather than the so called “PROBLEM”, that disturbs you. If you were to curse yourself, blame yourself and scream at yourself you only end up feeling worse. This is self sabotage. Interestingly you can consciously get angry and get angry and frustrated by reacting to an event. You tend to loose more energy within you when you get frustrated and the “PROBLEM” though does not even exist, seems to be existing and never is solved.
As you look at event and tell yourself “This event has already happened and is inevitable”, you would only respond and not react. Moments before the outburst of emotions and frustration there is a process that is involved. You run picture of the event in your mind that leads to an intensive helpless state and fires as frustration. It is better to control the emotion as that will do a lot of good because your reaction of frustration could be so intense that it can only intensify more. Though some do suggest that giving vent to these feelings is good and acceptable I do not authenticate this theory as the ramifications are very high.
3 most important points that you must have in mind to manage frustration – 1) Accept the fact that getting frustrated is a common human act. 2) Learn from the frustration and move forward instead of getting worked on it 3) Start creating a new belief for yourself that there are other better ways of handling situations that you are aware of
You are so much involved and totally associate with the event that frustration crops up and then it just runs through you. Yes it is very important for you to be associated, to be in the thick of things for achieving your outcomes. But when you do not get the desired results you must do the devils advocate. You need to step out of yourself and look at things from a 3rd persons view, which means that you are disassociating yourself and you would tend to look at solutions rather than feel frustrated and have the feeling of let down.
I sometimes advocate frustration and a certain amount of frustration is always good because it means that you are expecting better results from yourself. You want more for yourself and hence get frustrated. You are a Champ and you know that you can work out things better and then you get frustrated, which is an advantage for you. The questions you ask yourself can intensify or de-intensify your level of frustration. Recall the last time you were frustrated and look at all the questions you asked yourself. I am sure it would be questions like “Why the hell did this happen to me”, “This is so pathetic and life of so unfair” and so on…, Have you ever asked “What must I do to come out of this?”
Do this small exercise, recall an event that has been troubling you and for which you get frustrated because you do not get the desired outcomes. Ask your self “why the hell is this happening?” and experience how you feel. Isn’t it frustrating? I am sure it is. Now change the same question to “what must I do to over come this challenge”. Now how do you feel? You feel more in control of your emotions, your thoughts?
You have the Choice and frustrations are not external they are internal in nature and you know the consequences of frustration are so high. So the choice of not being frustrated will lead you to better outcomes in life. Enjoy every bit of life. All that happens has a purpose and has a positive intention. Look at the highest positive intention behind the event and why has the event occurred even though it was not favorable and negative. You can focus on the positive intentions, on the positive purpose which will lead you to a more peaceful and comfortable life.