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Handling Frustration

January 11, 2008

I am yet to see someone who says “I never get frustrated”. We as humans always experience frustration in our daily lives. However sometimes we let this frustration take over that hampers our activities and actions. We need to control and handle the frustration.

What is frustration? Frustration is the act of reacting to an event which is not desirable. I would like you to spend sometime on what I have mentioned Frustration is. It is REACTION that causes the frustration. The moment an event occurs you do not ponder on that, you do not have time to think on that and decide how to handle the situation. The immediate action is impulsive and you react immediately. There is another way you can handle the same event. Instead of reacting, you could RESPOND to the same event. The moment you RESPOND to the event rather than reacting you never get frustrated. Remember the event has already occurred which means that you cannot do anything about the event now. And you have a Choice to respond the way you want to.

If you start looking at events as events that cannot be avoided and has already occurred then you ponder for solutions rather than disturbing yourself by reacting. This is the easiest way to change the feeling of frustration. To start focusing on solutions rather than the so called “PROBLEM”, that disturbs you. If you were to curse yourself, blame yourself and scream at yourself you only end up feeling worse. This is self sabotage. Interestingly you can consciously get angry and get angry and frustrated by reacting to an event. You tend to loose more energy within you when you get frustrated and the “PROBLEM” though does not even exist, seems to be existing and never is solved.

As you look at event and tell yourself “This event has already happened and is inevitable”, you would only respond and not react. Moments before the outburst of emotions and frustration there is a process that is involved. You run picture of the event in your mind that leads to an intensive helpless state and fires as frustration. It is better to control the emotion as that will do a lot of good because your reaction of frustration could be so intense that it can only intensify more. Though some do suggest that giving vent to these feelings is good and acceptable I do not authenticate this theory as the ramifications are very high.

3 most important points that you must have in mind to manage frustration – 1) Accept the fact that getting frustrated is a common human act. 2) Learn from the frustration and move forward instead of getting worked on it 3) Start creating a new belief for yourself that there are other better ways of handling situations that you are aware of

You are so much involved and totally associate with the event that frustration crops up and then it just runs through you. Yes it is very important for you to be associated, to be in the thick of things for achieving your outcomes. But when you do not get the desired results you must do the devils advocate. You need to step out of yourself and look at things from a 3rd persons view, which means that you are disassociating yourself and you would tend to look at solutions rather than feel frustrated and have the feeling of let down.

I sometimes advocate frustration and a certain amount of frustration is always good because it means that you are expecting better results from yourself. You want more for yourself and hence get frustrated. You are a Champ and you know that you can work out things better and then you get frustrated, which is an advantage for you. The questions you ask yourself can intensify or de-intensify your level of frustration. Recall the last time you were frustrated and look at all the questions you asked yourself. I am sure it would be questions like “Why the hell did this happen to me”, “This is so pathetic and life of so unfair” and so on…, Have you ever asked “What must I do to come out of this?”

Do this small exercise, recall an event that has been troubling you and for which you get frustrated because you do not get the desired outcomes. Ask your self “why the hell is this happening?” and experience how you feel. Isn’t it frustrating? I am sure it is. Now change the same question to “what must I do to over come this challenge”. Now how do you feel? You feel more in control of your emotions, your thoughts?

You have the Choice and frustrations are not external they are internal in nature and you know the consequences of frustration are so high. So the choice of not being frustrated will lead you to better outcomes in life. Enjoy every bit of life. All that happens has a purpose and has a positive intention. Look at the highest positive intention behind the event and why has the event occurred even though it was not favorable and negative. You can focus on the positive intentions, on the positive purpose which will lead you to a more peaceful and comfortable life.

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Comments

59 Responses to “Handling Frustration”

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  2. Nishant Kasibhatla on January 22nd, 2008 11:12 am

    Hi Praveen,

    Nice site with so much content.

    I liked your views and advice regarding dealing with frustration. It makes a lot of sense to think “this event has already happened and is inevitable”. Already I can see the relief!

    Nishant
    http://www.selfhelplab.com
    Just started blogging

  3. R.Manoharan on March 12th, 2008 10:41 pm

    Hi Praveen,

    Thank you very much for telling about the frustration so simple and nice. As you told we could not do anything after an event has happened. So we have to analyse the event and look out for the solutions instead of getting frustrated and making the situation worse. Nobody has explained so nice and gave simple remedies like you in this regard. Thanks once again.

  4. Uma on March 19th, 2008 9:05 pm

    Hi Praveen,

    Thank you for this article. I was feeling frustrated to go to office because there is literally no work there. Have to sit simply for the whole day. It was my decision to take up the present post because the pay was higher.

    But now I know there is no point in blaming myself to have taken up this post. If there is no work, got to accept it and do something to utilise the time for doing other activities.

    thank You once again

  5. devi on April 3rd, 2008 11:40 pm

    Hai praveen,

    Thank you so much. your words have given me lot of comfort & confidence.
    “Enjoy every bit of life. Everything has a positive intentention”

    This echos in my mind.somebody criticise me since they expect more from me.I should do my level best .
    Thank u once again.

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  8. Priyesh on May 16th, 2008 1:13 pm

    Thanks Praveen.

    You have helped me a lot. Its true that we cannot do anything once the event has occured. We should enjoy the life to its fullest and live positively.

    Thanks for the advice man…..

  9. Martin on June 29th, 2008 12:03 pm

    Dear,
    I am Totally frustrated, infact mylife is miserable, because of a mistake that i made in this my life
    I want you to advice me on what to do now, cause there is one thing i learn from your website that i cant foget, and that thing is that (the event has already took place and there is nothing to do about it)

    i was given a hug sum of amouth of money which is 5,000 USD to travel to London, but ufortunatley for me i decided to go to dubai without telling my parents about the change of direction.
    when i reached dubai hoping to get to vietnam i was deported due to the mistake made from our niegbour, who i help me with the dubai visa, and doped some money out from the money to his pocket, now i was deported back and out of shame of what to tell my parents, after all the warning they gave me, i decided to travel to liberia another african country to see if i can still survive there
    Right now my people still think i am in london, but the worst part of this sitauation is that liberia is just like hell fire to me, no job, no good food, no good shelter and all other things

    now i am going crazy for the whole thing and more confused every day, the money i used to travel was even contributed from a family friend and relation
    now i dont know how to do

    pls try and help me because i am about to go crazy, is even hard for me to feed myself now

    send me e-mail back to advice me on how best to handle this issue

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  12. Logics setu on August 1st, 2009 3:14 am

    Very nice article. Added to this I have started believing that your state of mind is your own responsibility. Root cause of frustrations are when your actions are not well aligned to your dream or your goals or you are loosing faith in your abilities to achieve them. You said some amount of frustration is good, i also admit to this, as it becomes driving force for your life

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